I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"