sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
