i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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