Me too!
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
