I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
