All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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