Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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