Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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