hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
