I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
