R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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