i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
