Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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