Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
