Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
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i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
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It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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