he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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