What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
