OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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