Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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