so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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