it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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