There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
