I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
