i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
