i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
