Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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