I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
