The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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