Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
