I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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