You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
