hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize