My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize