My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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