she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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