Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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