Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
