So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
When are your genitals available?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
