hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
