OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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