Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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