I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
