I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
