Already got asked if we're dating
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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