Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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