Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
