I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
