The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
