these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
