I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
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Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
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Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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