I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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