You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
dude. I can hear the air.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
