i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
