i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
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My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
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I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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