you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
