I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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