if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
