Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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