At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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