do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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