pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
