It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
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mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I want to be your penis for a week.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
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Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar