Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I want to have your abortion
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
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i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
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If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.