i jhust puked up my retainher.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.