We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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