i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
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Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
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I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"