do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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