hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
