I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
