We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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