do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
