Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
