I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i out mim tonsoeep
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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