I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
